As days pass us by, our hearts grow fonder,
Months turn into years, is our love still true?
Be near me e’en still as I go yonder,
For always in me, there still will be you.
In good times and bad, through thick and the thin,
I hold you close by though I am afar.
It matters not what the distance within,
For here in my eyes, you shine like a star.
My love and my heart, I pray even still,
Ask not for dear time to run slow or stop.
When we are apart, love true will instill,
United again, our tears wet will drop.
And so I depart, for homeward I go,
But fear not, my sweet, for our love will grow.

     How can someone who’s been hurt as much as you’ve been be so loving and caring?  How is it possible that your heart is as big as it is?  It should have been crushed and trampled under all that weight and succumbed to all that pressure and stress by now.  And yet, still it’s survived and lasted through all this.

     That is the miracle, isn’t it?

     Why is it then that every time you try to give your heart away, there’s no one there to accept and receive it from you?  You think you’ve found the right one, but then they just pack up their bags and leave.  Why is that?  How fair is that?

     But I guess you hold onto that little spark, that bit of hope left behind.  It’s that remnant, that vestige, that keeps you going.  You hope that someone someday, one day soon, will be willing to let you in as you’ve let them in.  You pray that this reassurance you give yourself is not just you lying to yourself.

     You’ve heard these words of comfort so many times before.  Time and time again, you’ve relied on them to give you strength and comfort.  Doubt not the truth in those words.

     You’ve got to have faith in something.  You must have something to look forward to.  Love will always find a way.  Your heart will be loved one day.  It will come when you least expect it.  At least, that’s what you’ve been told.

     Sing the love song in your heart until that day when you find the heart whose song of love is in perfect harmony with yours.  The interconnectedness of the notes and the rhythms, the ascending and descending movements, the rests, even, all are in line with one another.  Each makes perfect sense with the other.  Though these songs are lovely and beautiful on their own, only when they are put together, sung together, in unison with one another do their music create true love, true beauty, true truth, true life.

     Sing out, my heart.  Sing out your song of love.  Sing untiringly, unceasingly, unabashedly.  Sing until you find your partner.  Sing unitl you are intertwined, interlocked, interwoven into another.  This love song that only you know will find its pair.  Remain steadfast.  Your day is coming soon.  How glorious it will be.

[posted on 00.37..4.27.12]

(Source: vfung921)

How fair is it that the mere thought of your smile makes me smile?

How fair is it that you get to ask me all these questions that put me in a corner leaving me with no escape?

How fair is it that without doing much, you already have me wrapped around your finger?

How fair is it that without truly knowing you, you already have me wanting you?

How fair is it that you can so easily play with and manipulate my emotions?

How fair is it that not a day goes by when I don’t think about you?

How fair is it that I miss you so much and you don’t even miss me at all?

How fair is it that you can leave me here waiting, pining away for you, when you don’t feel the same way?

How fair is it that you get to taunt and tease me, yet I never get to do the same in return?

Just how fair is it?

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?

(Source: vfung921)

So..it’s been a while since I last wrote a tumblrfessionsesh.  Here’s something I’ve been wanting to post up here for a while, but never got around to doing it.  Back in early 2008, I wrote this one long, long, LONG poem.  I had invested a great deal of myself into it, and since I was so insistent on it being perfect, I decided to ask my close friends to proofread it for me.  They were happy to oblige..the first time around.  With every little change I made, whether it be a word substitution or a change of punctuation, I reprinted it out and had them re-read the entire poem to see if the flow changed at all.  I guess I was influenced by the notion that a perfect play cannot have anything added or taken away without it going to ruins.  I wanted to same for my poem as it was very special to me.  I wrote it for someone, but I never actually took the step to present it because a) I am too shy to do such a thing and b) that person found out about my romantic interest and decided that it just would not do and so decided to no longer associate with me for the rest of the school year.  We have since “reconciled”, if you will, and are still friends.  In any event, here is my love poem, “Confessions”.

(due to the length, I decided to put it after the page break..hehe =P)

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Those important around me, the ones that hold me up and keep me strong, everyone of them is enveloped and wrapped in this thing that they call…well, there’s no need to name it.  Everyone know what it is.  But what about me?

When will it be my turn?  I ask myself this each and everyday.  I tell myself little lies to try to dispel these thoughts from my mind, but it’s never enough.  Am I just not good enough?  What am I doing wrong?  Why not me?

Do I settle for loneliness?  Do I settle for pushing everything away and giving it all up?  Do I settle for universality?  I don’t want to settle, but that’s all I ever seem to be able to do.

When will it be my turn?  When will come the day that I too will be wrapped and enveloped in this emotion, this state, this warmth, this grace?  My heart has yearned for this for far too long and yet no one seems to hear my cry.  Dejected, lonely, discarded, rejected.  Into the corner I go, with all the dust bunnies and cobwebs.

I hate spiders.  This sea of sorrow overwhelms and consumes me.  Sometimes I feel like I’m not worth it.  Why is it that this is the one need that has yet to be fulfilled in my life?  What am I doing wrong?  Why must I doubt myself so?  Why cannot anyone come to show me my worth, someone of worth, someone who can give to me what I yearn to give to them?

Words fall in front of empty ears.  No one cares enough to listen.  No one cares enough to stay.  No one cares enough to pray.  No one cares enough to share.  I’ve oftentimes tricked myself into thinking that there was some hope, some light at the end of the tunnel.

But that’s all they are: tricks, deceptions, false hopes, lies.  Perhaps I’m not meant to play this part.  Perhaps I’m not meant to be in this show.  Perhaps I’m not meant to be on this stage.

Away, begone, I banish thee.  Away, begone, I vanquish thee.  Away, begone, I relinquish thee.  Oh that the sighs and mourning would reach thine ears.  Oh that my weeping would for once be heard.  Oh that the valley were not so deep and not so dark.  Extricate me.  Liberate me.  Free me.

(Source: vfung921)

     How and when am I going to get over you?  The question floats around in my head day in and day out.  It seemed like just yesterday you were smiling at me, laughing at every little joke I made, wrapped in my embrace, and I in yours.

     Remember that one night that we slept over at our friend’s place?  As you lay next to me, you asked me a question, one that I will never forget.  Gladly, I obliged.  Of course I would say yes, I mean, it was you who asked, was it not?

     You said I made you feel that way that no one before ever has.  You said that you felt alive again.  You said so many things to me, and all they ever do is bounce back and forth in my head, echoing endlessly.

     Suddenly, your arm wraps around me, then your other.  Your face is mere centimeters away from mine.  I know your scent so well, and I am comforted in your warm embrace.  Your lips find mine and all else just fades away.

     Why do I have these doubts?  I don’t deserve someone as beautiful as you.  Your smile is so contagious.  I worry that every little thing I do has the potential to take you away from me.  I am so scared to lose you.

     I— And as your lips meet mine again, my doubts dissolve.  This is real.  You’re real.  You’ve finally come to take me away.  Your fingers find their way around mine.  This is the moment I’ve been waiting for.  I do.

(Source: vfung921)

     You stand there in the doorway the way you always do, right leg crossed over in front of your left, leaning to the right, your right arm raised, resting your head in the inside of your elbow, with that silly little smile of yours.  That’s how I’ll always remember you.  That’s how I love you, but not like this.

     You sit there in the chair, feet firmly planted on the ground, leaning over with your head bowed down and your hands folded to your forehead, as if you were praying, but praying is the last thing on your mind now.  This is not how I want to think of you.  No, not this.

     We’re on a train.  You on the right and me on the left.  You got the window seat after we fought over who would get it, though only playfully, because I know that you know all I want is for you to be happy.  You look out the window, chin rested on your fist.  Your other arm is wrapped around me as I lean over to you, resting in your embrace.  I could lie here forever, just you and me, but that’s not what life have destined for us, for you.

     We’re in a room, that room.  We’re in that room again.  I know you loathe that room, and for that, I loathe that room too.  You’re not wearing what you normally do, but in that blue robe, you look beautiful, stunning, amazing.  Yes, even in that blue robe you make my world go crazy.  I’m crazy for you, but that’s not what life has destined for us, for you.

     Get these voices out of my head.  All I hear is white noise, mumbled speech, as all these people are touching me all over, putting their hands on my shoulder, back, head, touching me all over.  I don’t understand what they’re saying, and I don’t want to.  All I want is to hear your voice, but where are you?

     Got your voice in my head.  I hear you.  I can’t help but smile.  There you are.  In the corner of my eye, I see you.  I quickly turn around.  Blink, and you’re gone.  Where did you go?  I could have sworn I saw you there.  No, that’s right, you couldn’t have been here.  All I want is to see your face, but where are you?

     I close your eyes and whisper a sweet good night in your ear.  I tuck you in and make sure you’re nice and warm on this..in this..bed.  I want to stay here with you, lie here with you, sleep here with you, but I can’t.  I can’t do that.  You wouldn’t want that anyway.

     I close my eyes and suddenly, there you are!  I hear your voice is in my ear, feel your arms around my shoulders, smell your scent envelop me.  Here, we can stay for as long as we want.  We can lie here together.  We can fall asleep in each other’s arms, like we always do.  This I can do.  We can do this.  That’s all we could ever want.

     Blink, and I’m gone.  But..am I really?  I’m here with you.  Now I’m here with you for good.  Now I’m here with you to stay.  I shut my eyes and tell myself to wake up.  This is all just a dream.  But then I feel your hand upon my face, gently caressing it as only you can do.  I open my eyes.  There you are.  This is how I will always love you, just like this.  This is what’s been destined for you, for me, for us.  All I could want is you, and here you are.  That’s all we could ever want: each other, just one more time.

     Don’t blink.  There’s no need to anymore.  We’re home.

(Source: vfung921)