A few months have passed now since I’ve moved down to La Jolla/SD. It’s been an extremely interesting ride, to say the least. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it is that I can never truly escape. I don’t mean to sound negative, but one reason why I left SF was to get away, to try to start over, to be a new person. I soon discovered that leaving my...
[19.34-20.14..4.26.12] Canticum Amoris
How can someone who’s been hurt as much as you’ve been be so loving and caring? How is it possible that your heart is as big as it is? It should have been crushed and trampled under all that weight and succumbed to all that pressure and stress by now. And yet, still it’s survived and lasted through all this. That is the miracle, isn’t it? Why is it...
So I’m not entirely sure. But that’s okay. I’m taking things one step at a time. Sure, some steps may be bigger and some may be smaller, but I’m doing my best to keep moving forward. There are times, however, when my fear and insecurity hold me back, keeping me from moving forward. Somehow, I’ve got to learn to overcome. That is easier said than done...
..and so at the end of the day, I just go back to the loneliness, emptiness, and...
I’m fearful and insecure. Wouldn’t have guessed that, would you? Well, behind this mask that I wear lies the real me. Too bad no one really takes the time to sit there and peel away the layers and figure out with me who I truly am.
[10.02-21..4.22.12] T+1 Day
Haha yea so I tried. I always try my best. I give it my all. I don’t know why, but I always run this same litmus test. It’s like I just need some kind of proof, some indication that what I’m feeling isn’t fake, but real. No one’s actually ever passed the litmus test, by the way. Yet, I think that’s why I keep running it. I wait to see when the test will finally...
Even if things don’t work out, I know that because of all this, I can be loyal. I can be loving. I can be true. Yes, as I’ve told you, I have been hurt, especially by those whom I have let in as I am starting to let you in. But, in the end, I know that no matter what, I have been the best that I could be. After all is said and done, I will be defined by this. One day, it will...
What can you do when your good isn’t good enough and all that you touch...– “Get It Right”, Rachel Berry from Glee
[23.41-46..4.19.12] The Fall
Oops. I knew it was coming. I was just denying and ignoring it for the past few days. Whenever things go up and up and up, seem like they are going amazing, it is the natural tendency that eventually, things must come back down. The problem is that the higher up I am, the harder down I fall. This was an extremely high high for me. I was feeling so amazing, so great, so..ecstatic....
Sighs. Seems like all I can ever really say to myself is better luck next time. Well, I’m starting to get sick and tired of saying that. I’m getting sick and tired of lying to myself and having to cheer myself up. When will I get the chance to be taken care of, rather than having to take care of myself?
Talaga kang sinabi “magandang gabi” sa akin kanina. 唉~!! Don’t think that I didn’t hear that, because I did; I just didn’t catch it soon enough..oh I wish I caught it sooner. 如果我早一點聽到，我也會對你說：『晚安~!!』 Ngunit, talagang talaga gusto kong magsabi, salamat sa paligayahin mo ako. 你真的很可愛。 幾月前，我真麼樣能想到你會進入我的生活? But now that you are, I cannot be but glad and grateful....
Haha that was nice. I’m not really able to describe this so much anymore, only because there’s too much to describe!! Keep it coming! Haha I do, however, fear that I am getting overly excited and that perhaps it may be time to be a little more conspicuous, just for my own good LOL
What if it turns out I’m the same way? Would it be confusing for you too? I guess that’s just me playing it safe too. I’m scared. I’m scared of getting hurt again. I’m scared of reliving that pain again. I’m scared of going through it all and losing again. I’ve done it too much. It’s caused me to be filled with fear. Is that my fault? Maybe...
Your eyes don’t lie, so why should your words? I’m just saying. Step up and stop playing it so safe. If you are too cautious, then it seems like you’re unsure or doubtful, and that only begets uncertainty and doubt in both parties. Please, for my sake, at least with me, don’t be so cautious. I can take it; can you?
Sighs..so much has happened lately. It’s weird that both Week 1s from Winger and Spring Quarters have been kinda funky for me..last quarter, I got sick near the end of Winter Break and continued that in the first part of the quarter. This time around, I became sick due to lack of sleep, and stress, both from overworking myself physically and emotionally. Yea..well thankfully Week 1 is...
One day, I’ll stop asking myself on a daily basis if it’s worth it. On that day, one of two things will have occurred: either I’ll have been fulfilled or I’ll have given up. I sincerely hope and pray that it is the former, but many days, it feels like it will be the latter. Yea.
Ramona on Triton Eye
Boy: What's up?
Ramona: Not my temperature!
How would life have been if I had never gone down that path? Would I still be this far on the journey? Would I be further on the journey? Would I still have had the great affinity that I have now? Would I still feel the way that I do now? There was only one way to find out, but I ruined it. I ruined my only chance to truly discover what it could have been like had I never took those steps that...
itsalvinjay replied to your post: @itsalvinjay Maybe I should’ve put in the part that I understand Ilocano, not Tagalog. Lol sorry. >_ LOL it’s all good! I am Chinese, but I took Tagalog classes at community college for funsies!! =P